Cultivating Grace and Composure through the Principles of "Four No's"

Living with Magnanimity and Composure

Modern individuals often criticize Confucius, not only him but also other ancient sages, contemporary figures, and those around them. This attitude of skepticism and overturning everything is quite alarming. Professional jealousy, mutual exclusion, and mutual defamation are common occurrences throughout history and across cultures.

The wisdom and classics handed down by ancient sages have remained unchanged for thousands of years. We should carefully study and contemplate them. Confucius possessed many virtues, including the crucial principle: "Abandon the Four No's: No presumption, no insistence, no rigidity, and no selfishness." Achieving these in practice is challenging and represents the cultivation and conduct of a sage, sounding easy but daunting in reality.

Let's start by examining the concept of "no presumption" ("毋意"). It refers to opinions, and "no presumption" means refraining from subjective judgments and hasty expression of one's opinions about people or matters. This is a common flaw among ordinary people. As the saying goes, "Everyone talks behind others' backs." People tend to criticize and gossip about others. This tendency is deeply ingrained, with individuals often considering themselves right and forming fixed opinions as they age. Achieving absolute objectivity is challenging, but as the ancients said, "With deep knowledge, emotions become calm." Those with high cultivation and profound knowledge naturally exhibit a calm temperament.

"No insistence" ("毋必") signifies not viewing the development of events and one's expectations as definite. This aligns with the wisdom found in the I Ching, emphasizing the constant change in all things. Flexibility and adaptability are essential in our actions. Recognizing and understanding the patterns of change, both in societal progress and personal emotions, is crucial for harmonious coexistence with family and friends.

"No rigidity" ("毋固") is straightforward: avoid stubbornness. It's challenging to remain humble, open-minded, and willing to listen to others' opinions regardless of their correctness. Confucius exemplified humility, always willing to listen and learn from others. Recognizing that everyone is a potential teacher, he stated, "In the company of three, there must be one I can learn from. Select the good and follow it; identify the bad and amend it." Adopting a humble attitude allows one to learn from others' strengths and improve upon one's weaknesses.

"No selfishness" ("毋我") is the most challenging. It urges individuals to consider others in all matters and contemplate situations from their perspective. Constantly thinking of others is, in essence, taking care of oneself. This selflessness is the practice of sages, often misunderstood by ordinary people. The Dao De Jing explains this concept: "The eternal Tao does not seek personal gain, yet it nurtures and sustains all things. The sage, in the same way, places himself last but finds himself first." Aligning with the selfless principles of nature, sages, by forsaking the ego, ensure the best arrangement for their own existence.

From childhood, we learn the opening sentence of the Analects: "To learn and at due times to repeat what one has learned, is that not a pleasure?" The emphasis here is on practical application. Utilizing acquired knowledge and theories in daily life and experiencing the subtleties of this wisdom can bring profound joy. If we truly understand the meanings behind the wisdom and theories left by the ancient sages and apply them daily, we can continuously remind and uplift ourselves, enhancing our cultivation and morality. With a broader and more composed mind, we can navigate life with greater ease.

从“四毋”学修养

大度从容地生活

现代人很喜欢批评孔子，不光是批评孔子，还批评其他的古圣先贤，也批评现代人，批评身边的人。这种怀疑一切，推翻一切的态度是很可怕的。同行相嫉，互相排挤，互相诋毁，这也是古今中外都有的事情。

古圣先贤传承下来的智慧和经典，既然能够传承几千年不变，我们就应该仔细学习，然后思考。孔子有很多美德，除了“温良恭俭让”的美德，还有一句很重要的，就是“子绝四：毋意，毋必，毋固，毋我。”孔子在这四个方面能够绝对做得到。这是圣人的修养和言行，听起来好像很容易，但是，真正要绝对做得到是很难的。

我们先看什么叫做“毋意”。“意”就是意见的意思，“毋意” 就是不要主观臆断，不轻率发表自己的意见，对人或者事情评头论足。这是我们常人都容易犯的毛病。古人说：“哪个人前不说人，哪个背后无人说”。人们都喜欢评头论足，都喜欢说别人的事情。我们都有这个毛病，都自以为是，觉得自己是对的，随着年纪的增加，形成一种自己对人和事物的看法。我们常说：“三个女人一台戏”，或者“两个人，三种意见”。就是说，很少的几个人聚在一起，就有很多意见了，每一个人都有自己的意见和看法，要做到绝对的客观，难上加难。很多时候，就是因为每个人都坚持自己的主观意见，家庭和朋友之间就无法和谐相处。古人说“学问深时意气平”，达到很高的修养和学问很深厚的人，脾气自然就很平和了。

“毋必”，“必”是必须的意思。“毋必”的意思是，看事情的发展和对事情发展的期望不要认为就是必须怎么样的。这也是《易经》里的智慧，万事万物不是一成不变的，万事万物每分每秒都在变化当中，我们自己做事情，凭良心努力做好，但是，是否能够合乎我们的心意，就不一定了。我们做人做事不要死板，要懂得变通和应变。时代的发展和进步，都是瞬息万变的，要懂得这样的变化，也要懂得变化的规律，然后再学习怎么应变。死板是我们常人经常犯的毛病。对于自己的心理上的变化也要懂得，每个人都的情绪也是阴晴不定的。事情没有按照自己的意愿去发展，也要明白这是正常的，懂了这个道理，我们就能够坦然面对人和事物。

“毋固”，这一点很好理解，就是不要固执己见。但是我们同样很难做到。随时随地都能够谦虚地听取别人的意见和建议，不论人家说的对与错，都能够听得进去，然后再做决定。孔子是非常谦虚的，不会坚持自己的观点，任何时候都能够听取别人的意见。孔子说：“三人行，必有我师焉。择其善者而从之，其不善者而改之。”也是这个意思，每一个人都是我们的老师，人无完人，每个人都有自己的优点和缺点，只要有谦虚的态度，就能够学习到别人的优点，也能从别人的缺点上面，总结出来自己的缺点加以改善。孔子说：“我非生而知之者，好古敏以求之者也。” 就是说，我不是生来就什么都懂，而是爱好古圣先贤的智慧和学问，勤奋而不断地求学。这是孔子的虚心好学的精神。还要随时“不耻下问”，不计较别人的性别年龄，或者身份地位，对每一个人都恭敬有礼，虚心向别人请教。

“毋我”，这一点就更难了。就是不要自私自利，凡事都要为别人多想想，站在别人的角度考虑一下。一个人如果时常都为别人着想，实际上才是在照顾自己。这是圣人的做法，常人也是很难理解这个道理的。《道德经》里有这样一段可以来解释这个“毋我”的意境：“天长地久，天地所以能长且久者，以其不自生，故能长生。是以圣人后其身而身先，外其身而身存。非以其无私邪？故能成其私。” 天地是绝对大公无私的，养育世间的万物，也不求回报，所有天地可以长生。得道的圣人就是效法天地的立身处事的法则，去掉自私自利，把自己的身心看成外物一样，义不容辞地做事。看起来虽然是把自己的身心和利益放在后面，其实正是符合天地之道，给自己的生存做了最好的安排。古圣先贤，都是按照这样的法则为人处事，名垂千古。放弃一个小我，而成就一个大我。

我们从小读《论语》开篇的一句就是，“学而时习之，不亦说乎。” 这里的意思，不是说学习要不断重复温习，就快乐了。这里的“习”是习练实用的意思。就是说要学以致用，学习到的知识和理论，能够时常在生活上用得到，体会到了这些知识和智慧的精妙处，当然内心会无比地喜悦。祖圣先贤留下来的智慧和理论，我们如果能够把意思真正理解了，每天都用在生活上，就能够时时提醒和开导自己，不断提高自己的修养和道德，心胸更加大度宽广，也能够更加从容地生活。

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为过去保留记忆，为未来留下火种。