幸福却可怜的现代人自相矛盾

The Paradox of Modern People: Happy Yet Pitiful

“你到底想不想幸福而快乐地生活？” 这个问题，可能大多数人都会回答，我为什么不想快乐，我当然想快乐幸福地生活。

什么是快乐和幸福，是心理上的感觉？还是身理上的感觉？每一个人都有自己的标准，但是大原则不变，就是心理和身理上都要满足，才会觉得是快乐幸福的。

心理上的感觉叫做“喜“，身体上的感觉是“乐”，再简单一点说，就是舒服，没有痛苦。身心是一个整体，意识的变化，就会给身体造成影响。这个道理很容易理解，就像我们看见好吃的东西会流口水，看见悲伤的事情就会流泪。

按照古人的观点，什么叫做快乐幸福的人生？从小就有父母的宠爱，衣食无忧，在父母的照顾之下无忧无虑地长大。长大成年以后，成家立业，有自己的儿女。然后到老年时代，子孙满堂，安享天年，再得一个善终。这样的人生好像是圆满的，但是人生不如意之事十有八九，很少有人有这样的大福报。所有古人会说，世上无完美，少欲少求，知足常乐。只要能够降低自己对物质和环境的要求，找到人生的平衡，自然可以寻求内心的满足和快乐。

那么，古人说什么样的人是可怜的人呢？“鳏寡孤独”。

《礼记》：“少而无父者谓之孤，老而无子者谓之独，老而无妻者谓之鳏，老而无夫者谓之寡。” 《孟子·梁惠王》：“老而无妻曰鳏，老而无夫曰寡，老而无子曰独，幼而无父曰孤。”就是说，年老的男人没有妻子的叫“鳏”（鳏夫），年老的女人没有丈夫的叫“寡”（寡妇），年老而没有子女的叫“独”，幼年死去父亲的叫“孤”（孤儿孤女）。孟子还称这四种人为“穷民”（困苦的人）：“此四者，天下之穷民而无告者”。

清朝的《格言联壁》里面也有这样的描述：“天下第一种可敬人，忠臣孝子。天下第一种可怜人，寡妇孤儿。”

基本上，从古至今，大众的观点都是说，这样的孤寡的人群是可怜的人群，没有父母，或者没有伴侣的人是可怜的人，这样的人心理上是痛苦的。除了古圣先贤和修道成仙的人，可以享受寂寞的快乐，普通的凡人，总是喜欢热闹和被人关爱的。

现代社会，人的生活方式和兴趣取好却发生了很奇怪的变化，特别是进入21世纪以后。现代人反而开始崇尚这样孤寡的生活，认为是有个性，有自我。很多人都是孤独和寂寞地生活着，未婚生子，孩子们从小都不懂什么是父母双全的幸福；结婚的人又轻易离婚了，夫妻无法白头到老；老年人去养老院了，哪里还有子孙满堂，承欢膝下的晚年生活。很多人都变成了“孤寡”，与手机和电脑为伴，好像这才是自我的人生。说的好听一点，大家在标榜“活出自己的精彩“，好像是在享受自我的人生，但是精神上却越来越贫乏和空虚，为什么现在抑郁症和失眠症越来越多？心理上的痛苦和烦恼越来越多？衣食住行的丰富好像是现代人幸福的标准，而我们却变成了古人说的“可怜之人”。

我们需要问自己，这样孤独和寂寞的感觉，是否就是我们想要的生活？

不管选择怎样的生活，既然是自己选择的，就不要自相矛盾。如果喜欢寂寞和孤独，就要懂得“不以物喜，不以己悲”，能够享受自己孤独的生活，不要哀声叹气，抱怨没有人关爱自己。如果喜欢热闹，不愿意一个人过，就要懂得与家人和朋友和谐相处。我们生活在社会当中，人类总还是群居动物，万事以“和“为贵。

生活其实很简单，就是不要找别人的麻烦，也不要自己找自己的麻烦。

Contradictions abound among modern individuals who, despite seeking happiness, find themselves in a paradoxical state.

"Do you truly want to live a happy and fulfilled life?" This question would likely elicit a unanimous response: "Why wouldn't I want to be happy? Of course, I desire a life filled with joy and happiness." What constitutes happiness and fulfillment? Is it a psychological state or a physical sensation? Each person has their own criteria, but the fundamental principle remains unchanged—both psychological and physical needs must be met for one to feel genuinely happy and fulfilled.

Psychological satisfaction is termed "joy," while physical well-being is described as "pleasure." In simpler terms, it means being comfortable and free from pain. The mind and body are interconnected, and changes in consciousness can have a profound impact on the body. This concept is easily understood, much like how the sight of delicious food can make one salivate or witnessing a sorrowful event can bring tears.

According to ancient beliefs, what constitutes a happy life? It begins with the love and care of parents during childhood, a worry-free upbringing, and later, establishing a family and career. In old age, one enjoys the company of children and grandchildren, leading to a contented retirement and a peaceful end. While this life seems fulfilling, the reality is that life is often unpredictable, and few are fortunate enough to experience such abundant blessings. Ancient wisdom suggests embracing imperfection, advocating contentment through modest desires, and finding a balance in life to achieve inner satisfaction and happiness.

So, who are considered pitiful in the eyes of ancient wisdom? The answer lies in the terms "widowhood," "loneliness," and "orphanhood."

According to the "Book of Rites," being young and without a father is called "orphan," being old without offspring is "loneliness," being old without a spouse is "widowhood," and being old without both a spouse and offspring is a combination of these terms. Mencius further categorizes these individuals as the "poor" or those who are suffering: "These four, the impoverished without recourse, are the most pitiable in the world."

The Qing Dynasty's "Motto Couplet" also describes this situation: "The most respectable in the world are the loyal and filial. The most pitiable are widows and orphans."

Throughout history, the general perception has been that individuals facing such loneliness and widowhood are to be pitied. Those without parents or partners are seen to endure psychological pain. Except for revered sages and those on the path to enlightenment, who may find joy in solitude, ordinary people generally prefer companionship and affection.

In modern society, peculiar shifts in lifestyle and interests have occurred, especially since the 21st century. Surprisingly, contemporary individuals increasingly embrace solitary lives, viewing them as unique and self-expressive. Many people live in loneliness and isolation, having children outside of marriage, and these children grow up without experiencing the happiness of having both parents. Married couples easily divorce, preventing them from growing old together. Elderly individuals move to nursing homes, where they lack the familial joy of their twilight years. Many people become "lonely and widowed," accompanied only by phones and computers, seemingly embracing a self-centered life. While some may express it as "living life to the fullest," there is a growing spiritual impoverishment and emptiness. Why is there an increase in depression and insomnia? Why do psychological pain and distress continue to rise, despite the material and lifestyle comforts being perceived as markers of modern happiness? We have inadvertently become the "pitiful individuals" described by our ancestors.

We need to ask ourselves whether this feeling of solitude and loneliness is genuinely the life we desire. Regardless of the chosen lifestyle, consistency is key. If one appreciates solitude, the ability to find joy in being alone is crucial—avoid complaining about the lack of care from others. Conversely, if one prefers a lively environment, living harmoniously with family and friends is essential. Human beings are inherently social creatures, and harmony is valued above all else.

Life is, in essence, straightforward: refrain from causing trouble for others and, more importantly, avoid creating problems for oneself.